The Kissing Contest
by Wings of a Wolf
Summary: It was Gai's fault. It all started when he misheard Genma, who was bemoaning his love troubles in a bar, and lead to a rampant chase all over Konoha, because when the chuunin were giving away free kisses, the jonin were all ears. One-shot, KakaIru.


_See, it wasn't my fault. Because in Japanese, "chuu" is the sound that you make when you kiss someone, as Loveless has taught me. Of course, it also means "middle" or average", but I have a hentai mind. It's the fault of the Japanese language, honest. And I swear the next chapter of Sunrise, Sunset will be out soon. Just don't kill me. Feel free to prod me a bit, though._

--

**The Kissing Contest**

It was quite obvious to Konohagakure that the jonin were insane. The inhabitants of the village weren't insane themselves, after all. They could quite clearly see the fact that jonin tended to be rather like perverted children unless they were new, like Kurenai. Otherwise, they were just a bit off their rockers. The following account is of a case-in-point.

Drunk and stupid, Genma was the one to make the comment. Having recently broken up with his chuunin girlfriend and swearing up and down that he was off women altogether, he had been laughing while slumped over the bar-- nearly knocking over his glass of sake, much to the distress of the much saner bartender-- and he was the one that said the fateful words. "She wouldn't even give me one goodbye kiss! Not one! I mean, she's a chuunin! Like, chuu, you know! Chuu! Chuu! Kiss, kiss!"

With a sigh, Raidou heaved his friend off the bar and supported him as he headed toward the door. "Put it on my tab," he said to the bartender, his tone resigned.

Unfortunately, a great many other jonin frequented that bar, including the one who started the mess. Gai, sitting in the corner where the bartender had put him so as not to disturb the other patrons, had a brain strange (and drunk) enough to twist the misheard words into something about chuunin each giving away one kiss each. Unfortunately, he was not the kind to imbibe to heavily. He remembered the next morning.

He then told other jonin.

Including Kakashi.

"My hip rival!" he shouted, pointing his finger emphatically at Kakashi, who was ignoring him utterly as he lounged against a tree and watched his three students work over the top of his just slightly pornographic novel, Icha Icha Paradise. "I challenge you! Given the Charming new custom of our Brave and Loyal chuunin, I challenge you to an Awesome contest to see who can kiss the most chuunin!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. This, of course, caught his attention. "Really, Gai, don't you think it's a bit Cruel to lead the poor chuunin on, even if they are kissing for free, so to speak? Kissing so many... it might get their feelings hurt," he said with a benign smile, though Gai couldn't see it, as it was hidden under Kakashi's mask. His perverted brain had been quite unhappy at the news anyway, as to indulge in this new kissing fad he would have to take off his mask and to do that he would lose the great aura of mystery that had enveloped his character since he had donned it as a child.

"Oh." Gai deflated briefly before perking up again. "Yosh! There must be some way to utilize this!" He paused. "I, the Beautiful Blue Beast of Konoha, challenge you, my Hip and Modern Rival Kakashi the Copy-Nin, to a match..." He waited a couple seconds to make the announcement so as to give it the greatest effect. "...in securing three kisses from one person in just one day! It should be very difficult it is said they will give away just one kiss for each person!"

Kakashi groaned, standing upright. The problem was, he couldn't refuse a challenge from Gai. Gai _cried_. Besides... he had been looking for an excuse to put his plans into motion, and maybe this was it.

"All right, I accept."

--

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

Kakashi's smile, fully revealed, was actually rather sweet. "I kissed you. See you soon, Iruka."

He began walking down the hall from Iruka's apartment. Iruka blinked a few times, speechless, leaving Kakashi enough time to get away.

--

Eight hours later, after school had ended, Kakashi appeared suddenly in Iruka's classroom, where he was grading papers. The papers went flying when Kakashi crouched on the desk, smiling smugly beneath his mask, and leaned over Iruka.

"What the-- mmph!"

Kakashi's lips were very soft and the kiss was just as sweet as his smile. He nipped Iruka's lower lip very gently when he pulled away.

It took Iruka a second to remember how to breathe. "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" he asked, resigned, and Kakashi shook his head, still smiling and with his loosened hitai-ate slipping down his face. Only when he saw it did Iruka realize that his hands were in Kakashi's hair and, blushing, he let go.

"See you in a few hours, Iruka-sensei," he said cheerfully, disappearing out the window.

Iruka sighed, frustrated, and with that ominous-- though attractive-- proposal ringing in his ears, he found it very hard to grade papers after that. "Hard" being the operative word.

--

It was on his way into his apartment that Kakashi accosted him. Iruka, unsurprisingly, found that he no longer cared why. Though jonin could be child-like, irresponsible, and frustrating, they were also tended to be very, very hot. Iruka found himself doing more than "letting" Kakashi kiss him again (and quite a few more times after the third kiss, and after all, three kisses worked in an equation for three dates in Iruka's book). In fact, over the next several hours Kakashi found Iruka to be a surprisingly dominating bottom and they were soon lounging on Iruka's floor (having been unable to make it to the bed, you see) with Kakashi practically purring. At that, Iruka felt quite satisfied with himself.

"So are you going to tell me what all this was about now?"

Kakashi mumbled something, eyes still closed. Iruka's screech could be heard throughout the entire building. "WHAT?! The chuunin aren't giving out kisses for FREE!!! And a CONTEST?! You kissed me for a contest?!"

"Wanted to anyway," Kakashi muttered, burrowing sleepily into Iruka's neck. Against his will, Iruka found himself melting.

"Oh. All right, then."

Shortly after, he fell asleep himself, though only for a couple of hours, as Kakashi did not take long to gather his strength again. Iruka was late to work the next morning.

**Epilogue**

"Why won't anyone kiss me?!" Gai cried loudly. The sound rang throughout the entire downtown district of Konoha and several people, generally the ones closest to Gai, winced. In the dead silence of the street after this announcement, you could hear the sounds of far away screams as jonin attacked chuunin, trying to obtain the fabled kisses.

"Oh, for the love of--"

Anko threw her bare dango stick into the garbage and stomped over to Gai. Pulling him down by one ear, she kissed him soundly, then once more for good measure. "Good enough?" she asked, releasing him. Too shell-shocked to say that it only counted if she was a chuunin, Gai nodded.

"Good. I expect you to pay for my dango," she said, heading back over the stand. Like a well-trained dog, Gai followed.

--

_Hehehe! I couldn't resist the end! Gai/Anko is surprisingly cool... and when I say surprisingly, I'm not just saying it for effect. I mean it seriously. It's totally weird, but it works for me. I am so strange… I have been reading way too much KakaIru, by the way. If you notice any typos/spelling mistakes, tell me._

_  
Review!_


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